The sun was beginning to fall into the night sky when I left. I enjoy to ride my bike at night. Its peaceful, calming, and soothing. The sounds of night seem to ride along with you. Sometimes its nice to get away where there is no sound of the normal life...where peace surrounds you.
I have never truly felt that peace, but I think I came close in high school when I was at young life camp. I went para sailing. When you are up there it feels as though you are at peace with everything around you. For me, that is what I think heaven is like.
It has been 5 years since my father passed away. I don't think I will ever be at peace with the fact that my Dad is not here. I wrote this journal entry sometime after he passed:
The phone call still rings in my ears. It probably always will. Before we left the hospital they said, “no news is good news”. Then the call came around 5:00 in the morning. I knew before I even picked it up that my dad was not going to make it. I don’t know how I stayed strong. Between my mom’s cries and words I could not understand because she was so shaken by the news. The streets were lonely much like my life was going to be without my dad. I felt like I was in a dream world. The lonely empty streets beckoning me to go farther to hear news I did not want to hear.
We arrived at the hospital that was also empty besides the people working on my dad. We walked down the hallway and I heard them working on my dad. The machines were going crazy and the nurses were running back and forth. The surgeon at this point was pumping my dad’s heart with his hand. I had to pull my mom back from seeing my dad. This day I will never forget. It will be etched in memory as one of the worst days I had to experience.
Amongst all of this I wonder how I stayed so strong. Of course I cried and shed my fare amount of tears. But I had to ask my self am I normal cause I don’t feel anything about what happened? I did not cry all day at the funeral home. I guess I was at a peace. A peace only God can bring. I knew my dad was alive today as he’s ever been. He is where we all as Christians wish to be. His life on earth has ended but his life continues on in a much better place. This is my desire to be where he is. Not only to see my dad again but to be with God and Jesus.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
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2 comments:
Powerful words! I'd love to get to know you better if you ever want to hang out and talk.
It's interesting...I just talked about death this weekend in my message at VWS.
This is beautifully written...your story gave me chills.
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